Empty Nest Syndrome – from their first day at school, to leaving for University
As the summer comes to an end and the new academic year begins, families go through a lot of change, and this can be challenging.
Perhaps you have young children who are starting school for the first time and you’re feeling anxious for them. Or maybe you’re wondering what you will do with your days while they are out of the house.
For those with older children this time of year can be a reminder how quickly time passes. It can be hard to feel our kids starting to pull away or push for independence, and the parent/child relationship can become difficult. Maybe your child is changing school this year and this can cause anxiety for both the child and the parent.
Then there are those whose young adult children are moving away to university for the first time. This might be the most challenging of all, no matter how you have prepared them for living away from home. You might worry about their finances, their mental and physical wellbeing, but also whether they’ll be homesick, and how much you’ll miss them.
Maybe your kids have bought their own home, moving in with a partner, and you feel that you’re no longer needed: your job is done, so what happens next?
For those parents who will now have no children at home, what will this feel like? For some couples it could be exciting to have time to yourselves after all these years of parenting, but for others it might feel daunting to only have each other for company.
‘Empty Nest Syndrome’ is a real psychological life transition which can lead to sadness, loneliness and a loss of purpose for some parents. You might find yourself feeling deep sadness, frequently crying, or start to feel some tension in your marriage as you adjust to this new phase of life. You might feel the need to reconnect with your partner, to find new shared interests outside of parenting. Or you could fear what lies ahead for you as a couple going forward.
You might find it hard to continue with your daily routines, to talk about your feelings, to stop thinking that life is too hard for your child without you. You might even wonder: what am I now, what’s next for me? This can be described as a ‘grieving period’, mourning a stage of life that is now gone, and it is normal.
Not everyone feels this way, some parents are happy to see their kids evolve and move out. Perhaps you and your partner are looking forward to it being just the two of you again. It’s okay to feel excited about the prospect of having an empty nest after all these years of taking care of your children.
It’s important to not make any major changes to your life or make radical changes at home. Your child will come back for visits, and they need the stability of familiarity as their life also transitions into adulthood. Give yourselves time to get through the first few months. Making rash decisions that might be unsustainable will not be helpful for anyone.
Allow yourself the time to grieve, take care of yourself and each other. Talk to your partner and to your child, and share your feelings gently, without it feeling like a complaint: you want your child to know that they are still welcome back home.
It might be time to re-evaluate your life, possibly downsizing your home, taking up new hobbies for yourself or as a couple. Extending your social circle, finding new activities to replace the time you now have.
If you recognise any of these challenges in your life as the new academic year approaches, counselling can help. Talking to a counsellor can give you space to acknowledge and validate these feelings, rather than feeling pressured to “fix” them straight away.
If the house feels quiet, if you’re struggling with feelings of sadness, or wondering what life might hold for you going forward, you don’t have to put on a brave face or face it alone. Counselling can help you to work through those feelings and find your own personal narrative for a fulfilling, self-directed future.
Get in touch using our Enquiry Form and one of our counsellors will be in touch to offer a free consultation.
