When pregnancy doesn’t feel how you thought it would.
There is no one way to be pregnant. You don’t have to force joy or gratitude when you’re struggling to cope with everything that’s happening, writes Niamh Marriott.
Trigger warning: Mentions of pregnancy loss, eating disorders, antenatal depression and post-natal depression.
Pregnancy can be a time of profound change – physically, emotionally, mentality, and even spiritually. For some, it can bring real moments of excitement, celebration and nervous anticipation. Yet it can also stir up anxiety, fear, sadness, panic, and uncertainty. If this is you, you are not alone, and nothing you’re feeling is wrong.
Finding out you’re pregnant – whether for the first time or third time, after loss or after years of trying, or perhaps even unexpectedly – can bring a whole mix of emotions that don’t often align with how society tells us how we ‘should’ feel.
You might be both thrilled and terrified in the same breath. You might immediately feel a sense of grief for your old self, even as you long for the new life you’re creating. You might feel intense guilt that this isn’t the blissful experience others describe. All of this is OK.
Change can be scary
Being pregnant isn’t just about growing a baby. It’s about navigating constant change – in your body, your hormones, your relationships and your own identity. It can magnify worries you didn’t even know you had, and it can make small concerns feel massive. You might be worrying about your career, your health, your love life, or a million other concerns about birth and becoming a parent.
You’re feeling all of this whilst being constantly bombarded by messaging that keeps telling you this should be ‘the most natural’ thing in the world – that you’re made for this, that you should be thrilled, and feel lucky and grateful.
It’s also worth remembering that antenatal depression, also known as pre-natal depression, and anxiety don’t get talked about as much as post-natal depression, yet they affect a significant number of expectant parents. Feeling low, overwhelmed, or anxious during pregnancy is more common than so many realise, and these feelings are not your fault.
Grief and loss
If you’ve experienced a previous loss, being pregnant can be especially frightening, and you might feel scared to trust that this time it might be different, that you are allowed to hope. You might be thinking that if you put too much pressure on it, feel too much, you might jinx it and it you’ll experience loss again, and grief might overwhelm you once more. So you might even be trying to numb how you feel, or not get attached, too scared to believe it’s real, just in case. This is a really human feeling, and does not make you a failure. You don’t have to express optimism or gratitude if that’s not how you feel.
Body changes can feel strange
It’s also OK if you don’t feel glowing. It’s even OK if you hate how you’re feeling physically – you might be uncomfortable and sweaty, or exhausted and sick. You might be feeling bloated or ugly, or some other unkind words may creep into your thoughts. It’s OK, it’s really hard to be kind to yourself all the time, especially right now. Your inner critic might be getting loud, and that’s quite normal.
For some, the rapid changes in your body during pregnancy can also trigger old struggles with food, body image, or a previous eating disorder, adding another layer of anxiety and self-consciousness.
It’s OK if you’re anxious, or feeling low, or really overwhelmed by everything. Your emotions are valid – every single one of them. We feel what we feel. It’s not a choice, and it’s definitely not something to be ashamed of.
Can counselling help?
If you recognise any of this in yourself, please think about talking to someone about how you feel, whether that’s a friend, a colleague, a family member, or even a counsellor.
Counselling is a supportive space to explore and process all your feelings.
You can talk freely, maybe untangle the web of emotions, and start to understand what you need – emotionally, mentally and practically, during this time of transition.
Counselling can help you find compassion for yourself, set some healthy boundaries, and help you reconnect with who you are beyond the roles you might be feeling pressure to play. It’s not about ‘fixing’ you; it’s about helping you feel seen, heard and understood.
At Trinity Therapy, we understand that pregnancy can be as complex as it is transformative. Whether you’re feeling anxious, disconnected, or unsure of how to navigate it all, we’re here to listen and walk alongside you in your journey.
